Happiness Lies In Your Own Hand
I've been feeling sick for the past few days...sorry for the lack of update. I'm getting better...it's a combo of stomach junk and upper back hurting. I'll be fine...don't send in the feds! The worst part is that I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in the last few days. That would be ok if I had time to nap during the day, but of course, in the real world, adults don't get naps. So, I'm feeling kind of run down too. I woke up this morning after a night of tossing and turning and laid awake for a little while before I got up. I started thinking about happiness...here's some conclusions I've drawn:
During my childhood, I was relatively happy. Some sad things happened, but I was too young to really undersand. Also, my parents were very good about showing me how even though life can suck, there are some awesome things about it. Then, once I turned 13, things seemed to go in one direction: bad. My uncle died not long after I turned 13...it was devestating...it wasn't something we were prepared for at all. He was still young, had young kids...it just took us all by surprise, and that was hard to deal with. Then, a year and a half later, while I was at camp, my grandma died. That one was slightly less surprising, but we still weren't ready for it. She was really young, and though she had been sick, we honestly thought she was going to make a 100% recovery and be fine. Her death was really hard on me, especially since I wasn't there when it happened. Right before she died, I had met and fallen for Skater Boy. He was, in my eyes, amazing...independent, cool, nice, smart, etc. It took a while for us to end up together...we became best friends fast, and the transition from that to something else was pretty awkward. But it did happen...he was an amazing person, and he helped me work through stuff in my life while I tried to do the same for him. We were inseperable. For a little over a year, Skater Boy made real life not exist for me. Nothing could possibly go wrong because I had him in my life...my best friend, someone who loved me with the same innocence that I loved him with. It was so pure. And, I was so dumb. I wish this story were less predictable...well, actually I don't, because if it were less predictable, I wouldn't be where I am right now. But I wish I could say there was some sort of happy ending to this story...there isn't. Right as I started 10th grade, Skater Boy dumped me for Jesus...didn't see that coming, did you? I'm so not kidding. I thought he was joking. I thought it was a prank. I thought in a matter of seconds we would be laughing about it. We didn't...it wasn't. He was serious...well, more like seriously a coward. But that's a story for another time. So, for one year of my life, I knew what utter happiness was. Then, I went from that to an all time low. Someone I had trusted...my best friend ever...was gone. I didn't have anything salvageable out of it. I had lost one of the most important people who had ever been in my life. I did, however, get over it. Good friends will help you through even the worst of times. I had some amazing friends.
So, here's where the story really gets interesting. The rest of that up there was sort of background info, so you could get into my frame of mind for this next part of the story. So, I'm in 10th grade and dumped for Jesus by my best friend ever. My friends get me over it. My new friends in high school are part of the "it" crowd...so I'm tasting minor popularity for the first time in my life. It felt good...after being dumped for Jesus, it felt damn good. I threw away my skater girl/grunge rebel clothes and started dressing more trendy. Guys noticed. That was nice too. I went from being this complete outcast because I didn't have the money to wear nice clothes (in upper elemetary grades) to being the social outcast because I just didn't care (junior high) to being mildly popular and having guys actually look at me. What girl wouldn't like that? I just tried not to let it go to my head. Some of the guys taking notice of me were actually some of the most popular ones at school. That shocked me. It made me happy, yeah...but it shocked me too. I mean, when you have more than one popular guy wanting to take you to homecoming...it seems like the world is at your feet (at least when you are 16 it does). I was pretty excited about all of this...people didn't tease me anymore...they didn't bother me...they looked at me and seemingly admired and respected me. It was a whole new world for me. Except I was being admired for the wrong reasons...they would accept me when I conformed to what they liked...othwise...being myself, I would never have been accepted. After a while, I realized this, and while I liked being somewhat popular and having guys be interested in me and all that junk, I knew it wasn't me. Yeah, I know...so predictable...but this is my story, so suck it. Anyway, I finally found my happy medium...it wasn't that all the popularity stuff wasn't me...it was just that most of it wasn't me...but being a social outcast wasn't completely me either, so I thought about what I liked and didn't like, and I made adjustments accordingly. Thus, I became Ms. Fish (although the fish part isn't exactly true, yet, at this point). The point is, I became me. A little trendier than my outcast days, a little less shallow than my popular days...just me. It made me happy. So, I found my happiness again. And ultimately, I didn't settle for any of the popular guys. Yeah, it's true, most of them lost interest in about 10 seconds...but some didn't...still, they weren't right for me. I found my kind of guy...someone who was sweet, artistic, caring, smart...and loved me for who I was...flaws and all...and for years, I was happy. Even after it just became a friendship, I was happy. I thought that years ago, I had lost the best friend I would ever have. I was wrong. I lost the biggest coward I have ever known. He never would stand up for me. I have a best friend now who may get on my nerves at times, but I know he has my back now and forever. He makes me very happy.
So, is that the end of the story? Nope. Nearly 2 years ago, I happened upon a certain fish. I was sort of lonely...he seemed (to me) sort of lonely...so we became lonely together...except that when we were together we weren't lonely...just very happy. Now, he's here and we are happier than ever...life isn't perfect...but it seems pretty perfect to a fish and his girl.
And the popular guys in high school? Are they happy now? I doubt it. They certainly don't look too happy when I pass by them in the community. Now that I think about it...they are actually not that good looking...I'm not sure why they were so popular...money or whatever...but I'm certainly glad that I didn't take a chance on them and miss my opportunity to be really happy.
So, I guess Madonna was right...
Um, Waiter? There's a _ _ _ _ in my taco!
I have a story for you! Yesterday, I got tacos for lunch because I was in a hurry to get out to my "job." I get to work and open a taco...eat a couple of bites...on bite #3, I notice something really rubbery and large in my mouth. Of course I spit it out. And then I looked at it. I HAD to! Do you really want to know what it was? Ok...I'll tell you...it was a worm. I am so not kidding. I had a WORM in my MOUTH! EWW SICK DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!! I know. We examined it all over to be certain and try to rule out other possibilities. It was clearly a worm...that's what the general consensus was. So, we took our meal back (as we tried not to vomit). They gave us our money back, but not before they let us know that it was just a piece of gristle. NO WAY. That was so a worm. I know gristle...I'm a meat eater. This was c-shaped, and it had lines on the back...just like a grub worm. I even looked up pictures online when I got home. I mean, damn, I'm a scientist...I think I know a worm when it's in my mouth! So yeah, I'm totally grossed out now. Happy day, folks!
Blame It On The Rain
So, tonight we all went to eat at this place we go to every once in a while. About a month and a half ago, the boys and I were in there, and I was asked a rather inappropriate and somewhat offensive personal question. Without going into extreme details, I give you a synopsis of the event:
Our waitress and I had gone to part of elementary school and jr high together, and I sort of knew her. So, she takes our orders and asks how I am doing and stuff. Later on, she comes up and asks if she can ask me a personal question. She proceeds to ask me if it is my fault that there are security guards in the malls (the food place is at the mall). It took me a second to really figure out what she meant. I finally realized what she was asking...was the fact that I was kidnapped from a mall parking lot nearly 10 years ago the reason that malls have security guards? First, that's a rude question to ask your customer...even if she knew me well, I was trying to enjoy a nice dinner, and she shouldn't have bothered me with personal questions that might have be sensitive issues for me (luckily, this isn't a sensitive issue for me). Second, it is a stupid question...we have had security guards at our mall since probably before I was born. There are tons of 80's movies set in malls in which security guards are present. Also, one single event that was so small would not cause some huge policy like having security guards present to be put into place. So, how did I reply? I told her I didn't think it was my fault. And she proceeded to tell me that she thought it was because someone she was talking to that she worked with was talking to her about the security guards and told her about me and the girl was like "I didn't say your name but she said it....and I told her I knew you." So, supposedly, I am to blame for mall security guards all across America. w00t!
I was reminded of this story as we ate dinner tonight. I'm rather amused by it...that little me could cause such chaos! So, in light of the recent findings that I am to blame for this particular thing, I've decided to take the blame for other things as well. Let me give you a list of things you can blame me for (and I will make more lists as time goes on):
1) The AIDS epidemic - I was SO behind this one...I am a scientist, you know.
2) Global Warming - Don't believe what you read, folks! I know that recent studies have come out stating that methane gas produced by all the trees planted by celebs in their mini rain forest ecosystems, is to blame...don't for one second think that is the truth. It was ME ME ME!
3) The baseball strike of the early 90's...what can I say? I thought it would be entertaining.
4) The Mullet...no additional comment needed for this one.
5) Constipation...I know, some of you don't have this problem, but many bloggers out there do...you can blame it on me...I did that to you...sorry
6) Donald Trump's hair? Yeah...that was me too.
7) Howard Dean? I created him.
Ok, that's enough. 7 is a perfect number, so I'll leave it at that. One last thing before I go...since I'm taking the blame for all the sucky stuff in life, I figured I could take the blame for something good. So, move over, Al Gore...I totally invented the internet!
Now it's your turn...what can you blame on me? I want to hear...
Everyone Would Be In Love With Me
I know it's been a while...I'm sorry...ok? I'm SORRY!!! Just kidding...anyway I do have many things to write about, and I honestly have not tried to neglect anyone or this new blog or anything...I've been busy with junk. Moving on...
First, an explaination of the blog change...I'm trying to remain somewhat anonymous. Some people in my life are nosy, and I'd left enough clues (name, name of friends, vague location, etc.). I figured that if someone who knows me really well (in my day to day life) wanted to do some investigation on me, they might find me on my little piece of the internet. And, that's ok for some people. Lots of people I know in real life read my blog, but most people in my life don't. Also, there are some things I disclose on here (see: boyfriend) that not everyone in my real life (see: family) knows about just yet. So, the biggest reason I deleted the old blog and became somewhat more anon is so that some nosy person in my life wouldn't look me up on the internet, find out about my personal life, and go share that information with my family...because that's my business, and it is my right to decide when and how I disclose my personal business to my family. Life's a bitch, and unfortunately so are many people in it. So that's it, folks...that's why I moved. Call it stupid...call it paranoid...all I know is that this one particular person has taken a keen interest in my personal life lately, and I've known this person to take drastic measures before when trying to find info about people. I wish I could tell you guys straight out everything because then you would understand and not think I'm completely crazy (and also understand my logic and why I know that I'm anon to certain people now as opposed to before), but I can't or else I would become less anon to my possible stalker(s).
Enough of that...you want to know about Christmas? Ha! Let's just put it this way...I'll give you a few highlights:
1) I opened a present addressed to ME only to find the most absolute awesome gift that anyone in my family could have possibly given me (besides my parents)...only to have another member of my family (the one GIVING me the gift) tell me that it was their gift and was tagged incorrectly. Whereupon, another member of the family treated me like a criminal for opening a gift that was ADDRESSED to ME when it was actually another person's gift. Uh...yeah.
2) Playing games with an entire extended family SUCKS. Especially when children under 13 play as well.
3) Got an AMAZING present from one of the boys (see: Kyle) that was in the same category as the present I opened from someone else that wasn't mine...only it was 15 billion times more kick ass cool. (pink, silver, stars, portable...w00t)
4) Santa brought me a motorola Razr...mmm...so awesome...I'm in love.
5) It was too damn hot to be Christmas.
6) One family member decided to be a jackass and ruin Christmas Eve for everyone by doing what they wanted to do instead of the right thing, which resulted in an uncomfortable situation for everyone in my family...stupid almost adult people.
That's about it...it was relatively uneventful...more so annoying because certain people were there (see: family) and certain people weren't there (see: Kyle)...overall it was ok...not great...not as horrible as I expected.
New Years was uneventful. We had food here, had a friend over (see: Charles), watched South Park, and I fell asleep and woke up right as the New Year came. New Years was never really fun...well except that year I had strep throat and took some Tylenol PM and woke up and couldn't feel my body and thought I was dying...but then...that's a story for another time.
Other than that, I've just been working (see: helping female parental unit) and staying too busy. I got great cooking stuff for Christmas, so my plight into domesticity continues. The boys (see: Kyle and Alan) love my cooking...I'm not sure why. I enjoy cooking, so I guess it all ends up well. I bought some new art supplies...going to try sculpting next...bought more stuff to paint with/on...didn't find the one thing I really needed, though (see: gum eraser).
The only interesting things that have happened lately are things I documented with my camera on my phone. One night last week, we were driving along...I was taking away and mid sentence I said "OH MY LORD! It's the weiner mobile!!!" Yup...that's right...it came to my city. I was so excited because I have never seen it in real life before. So, I took a picture.
Also, last night we went out of town to eat, and as we walked out of the restaurant, I saw a car with the words "I'm getting implants" scrolled across the back window. I promise, once I get a usb cable and learn how to post pictures to this thing, I will post these pictures...they are priceless! Now that I've updated you on my life, I'm going to go get back under the blanket...it's freezing in this house. Be good and eat more chicken! <3
Yo.
I'm back, bitches. Did ya miss me? I know you did. Well, I'm tired so that's all you get for tonight. I'll post lots more later...I promise, and boy, do I have stories to tell <3
