The Cosmic Turd That Almost Wasn't...This Will Be Gross
So, it's been awhile. I've been lazy. Give me a break...it's been over 100 degrees with high humidity since before summer. Everyone around here is a slug...a big, grayish brown lethargic slug. And, if you pour salt on us...we shrivel and die. Yes we do. The only interesting thing that has happened in weeks occured yesterday:I was volunteering in the 2 year old class at church. Some of the kids are potty trained, some are in pull ups, and some are still in diapers...usually, however, we don't have to change much more than a couple of wet diapers when I work in there. Not yesterday. We started checking pull ups and diapers and taking kids to the restroom. Not even 10 minutes later, we started to smell something unpleasent. So, we proceeded to look for the culprit. It was a little boy who had just gone to the restroom. He didn't have any pull ups or diapers, so I had to go search for one. When I got back, no one was jumping to change him, so I proceeded to do it...I'm not above changing dirty diapers. The thing is, he wasn't wearing a diaper...I found that out when I started to change him. He had on underroos...little kids underwear. And, deposited inside was the most obscene, putrid, foul thing that I've ever laid eyes on. The thing looked like freaking Plymoth Rock! I'm so not kidding...it was HUGE. I don't even think kids that little are able to produce something like this...I don't know if any human is capable of it...I seriously think this kid was an alien...and OH THE SMELL. Raw sewage to the 10th degree of hell...a smell like I've never smelled before. I mean, I have absolutely no problem changing dirty diapers...that's part of life. And, I know that there are going to be some weird things that come out of little kids butts (I mean, just look at what Dooce and DadGoneMad have seen when changing their kids diapers)...but...it was so foreign...this object...this cosmic turd. I was just in shock. And, I also know that it's going to smell...everyone's poop smells...duh...but damn...this thing peeled the paint off the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. And sadly, that is the most interesting thing to happen in weeks.
Stay cool and safe and happy.
posted by Daniele @ 15:40
2 Comments:
Glad you understand that that's what kids do. The good news is that this event has prepared you for the future when you have 6 or 7 of your own. The bad news, in my experience, it only gets worse, but maybe you know that already.
Oh Lord! I'm not having 6 or 7...maybe 4 or 5...that's the limit...well...unless the birth control doesn't work 0:)
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