They Tell Me Your Blue Skies Fade To Grey...They Tell Me Your Passion's Gone Away
I don't really know where to start today, but I felt the need to write something. It has been roughly a month that I've been going through some stuff. I still don't feel like giving a play by play over the internet about my battle, but I will give you a little information. My body made some changes that, to me, felt abnormal. I went to the doctor and got checked out, and he said I looked/felt/sounded/etc fine. He examined me well. Then I stupidly went home and thought about what had happened and my mind started playing tricks and conjuring up situations. What was wrong with me was a completely normal thing that happens sometimes, and it isn't fatal or permanate...my only problem was that no one could tell me why it happened or if it was normal if it happened again. So, I was worried that there was some underlying cause that no one saw. This got me really scared, and I had to go to the doctor again for some reassurance. My doctor put me on some meds for anxiety. Yeah, I know. They helped slightly, but I was still nervous and anxious and scared and stuff, so he tried some other meds. They worked. So, for the time being, I'm on happy pills. I'm not really ashamed about it or anything...I figure I don't have any reason to be ashamed. Life got too complicated and hectic and I got really badly scared about something, and the medicine is going to calm me and help me look at things from a more balanced perspective. When I talked to my doctor the second time, we talked and he and I both think that there were some old issues I had from stuff in the past that I hadn't dealt with that caused me to have so much anxiety when this situation with my body occured. So, it's been a long time coming, really. The last few years have been really hard for me...I've had some stuff happen that really scared me and caused me anxiety at the time, and most of the time I got over things...but a few things have really stayed with me...and I knew it...I just didn't want to have to bother anyone to get over it because I knew I needed to just deal and move on. Now, I'm taking care of things and taking care of myself. The medicine is working well...I still have moments of anxiety and being scared and stuff, but that's normal. I feel a lot better than I did a couple of weeks ago...We are in contact with my doctor, and that is a relief to me. Things are slowly getting back to normal...and I know it will take a while for things to get back to normal...and I know that they may seem normal and get abnormal again...and yeah, that does make me a little anxious, but I know that I will feel better...that each day I feel better...that people care about me and are going to take care of me and help me and that I'm not alone now or ever. That's the most comforting part...knowing someone will be there for you.So, that's what has been going on with me lately, but I honestly am doing so much better and feeling so much better. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and some are good and some are bad and some are both...but in the end, I will survive.
PS I just want everyone who reads this and may or may not be concerned to know, I was not and have never been suicidal, so don't take it to mean that. I value my life way too much to ever try to cause harm to myself. Also, no, I am not pregnant and I wasn't ever pregnant. So, if that's what you were thinking was wrong, nope. In time I may tell you, but for now this is all you get. Take care of yourself...I'll be back soon <3
posted by Daniele @ 06:17
1 Comments:
Im not sure what exactly you are talking about, but I glad you will be okay. I'll be praying and thinking about you.
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