But The World Is A Mixing Cup...Just Look What Happens When You Stir It Up
Well, I'm sorry I haven't been writing. I've been going through some stuff lately. My puppy died last week. What? Back up, you say? Ok. In early January, I got a new puppy. It was exciting for me because I've never had a dog from when it was a puppy. The king was a stray that landed on someone's doorstep and somehow ended up in our home. Any dogs we had when I was a kid were older also. So, I finally got my puppy. She was beautiful...absolutely gorgeous...great, loving personality too. So, last week she started acting weird. I was to take her to the vet last Wednesday...she started getting worse before going, and we had to make an emergency vet run. They did everything they could, but she had distemper, which she was not likely to recover from (she had been to the point of convulsing, which was heartbreaking and scary for me to witness alone). They had to put her to sleep last Thursday. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and it honestly broke my heart. Needless to say, I've been quite sad since then. I've thought about writing, but I just didn't feel like it. No one wants to report bad news, and it is not like there is anything good to report. I'm fairly dissatisfied with things in my life right now. It's nice having people I love here with me, but I need to be doing something. We're going to get the band thing together (again...I feel like this band is Humpty Dumpty having to be rebuilt everytime we turn around)...I'm just restless and bored and anxious and scared and a million other emotions. Yes, I realize...I do need to take a chill pill...ha. I just get frustrated because I feel like most of my time is spent doing pointless things for other people, and it is a constant battle to get "me" time...I need time for myself, so I can do things I want to do. I bought new pencils a month and a half ago, and I only just started on one drawing last week. I bought clay almost 2 months ago, and I've yet to plan how to use it. In some ways, I feel uninspired...but I usually just come up with things on the spur of the moment anyway, so it isn't like I need to have any source of inspiration. I just want time for myself, but I don't want to feel guilty taking that time when I know I could be doing something for someone else. I mean, if I take a couple of hours one day to read a novel, I feel ashamed and guilty that I didn't go in to volunteer earlier. I'm not sleeping well at night...I'm tense...I'm in a weird spot right now. In school, I never had time to myself either...but now that I'm out, I don't have time to enjoy myself...it's a screwy situation. I just want to be happy...to be doing something productive...to be doing something for myself for once. I just want things to get up off the ground floor. Maybe it will be better when I get back to the gym and start doing yoga in the mornings. Maybe I need to clean more...a clean home makes a happy Fish. I guess I just need to get off my butt and do something and stop complaining...I'm just at a place now where I'm scared to do anything because I'm scared what I might miss while I'm doing it (There's a lot more to that statement than how it looks...) I'll figure it out...I think more or less I'm going stir crazy...I need to get away from here for a little while...enjoy myself for a short time so that I'm ready to jump start whatever's ahead. Oh well...sorry for the downer, guys. Have a good day. I'll think of a funny story for the next post.
posted by Daniele @ 17:00
1 Comments:
The following is my opinion, nothing more, nothing less. It comes from my heart.
You ended this post with this......"Oh well...sorry for the downer, guys. Have a good day. I'll think of a funny story for the next post."
You have blogging all wrong I think. I think you need to use your blog for what, I believe, it is meant for. Your blog is for YOU, not us. It looks like you've forgotten that, or maybe you never knew that. I don't know.
What I do know, is that you should not be writing here to make us feel good, to entertain us, but for you to feel good.
You need to start putting your thought and feeling into words here, like today's post. It will make you feel so much better when you do, you'll see. Didn't you feel better after writing this post? Getting it off your chest?
Just write down your bitches and grips and the things that make you happy, and sad too. Write about your hopes and dreams, your successes and failures. It will feel good, I know.
Sure, some things you will want to keep from people you know that read your blog, but who cares if they read it anyway? If you do, just start a new blog. Make it anonymous. Don't tell anyone about it.
One more thing.
You absolutely MUST take time for you. Everyday you must do something for yourself. It doesn't matter what it is, just do something for you. Nobody is more important that you. Take that book you want to read with you to the john and read a few pages, anything. Just do something.
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