She Only Sleeps When It's Raining...
Wow...it's been a while, eh? I've been busy being busy. Tons of stuff has happened lately...some good...some bad...etc. I'm feeling MUCH better than I did a few weeks ago. My body is finally deciding to cooperate, so I'm not as stressed or scared anymore. I feel so much happier and burden free. I still get overly anxious sometimes and stuff...but I'm feeling tons better than I was this time a month ago. So, that's all good. I spent most of this month working on feeling better, but I was also busy with other stuff. I mostly helped my mom at school. I spent some time playing a computer game. A couple of weeks ago, my dad was hospitalized. I'm the one that took him to the ER. He's ok now...he has a blood clot in his lung. They caught it in time, so he's going to be fine...just has to be on meds to thin his blood, probably forever. But, that was very scary and stressful for all of us.
So, my life has had its fair share of ups and downs lately...and I don't know why I've had to go through some of the horrible stuff that I've been going through lately, but I do know that God has a plan for me and this is a learning experience that I can use later on. I have learned so much about life, love, and not taking things for granted. I've grown even closer to my family and friends. I've been able to let go of some "grudges" from the past. I've been able to move on with my life in some senses...and I've learned how to value life even more than I already did.
So, my absense has been spent having a little bit of heartache and trials, but mostly it has been spent enjoying my family, loving people, and enjoying life.
So, now it is summer...free time abounds (hopefully)...have a trip planned...have events planned...plan on going to the gym every day possible...getting band stuff together...looking for a real job...being happy and loving life.
I'm tired right now, so I'll go...but stick around because I have some totally funny stories from the hospital and other events. <3
They Tell Me Your Blue Skies Fade To Grey...They Tell Me Your Passion's Gone Away
I don't really know where to start today, but I felt the need to write something. It has been roughly a month that I've been going through some stuff. I still don't feel like giving a play by play over the internet about my battle, but I will give you a little information. My body made some changes that, to me, felt abnormal. I went to the doctor and got checked out, and he said I looked/felt/sounded/etc fine. He examined me well. Then I stupidly went home and thought about what had happened and my mind started playing tricks and conjuring up situations. What was wrong with me was a completely normal thing that happens sometimes, and it isn't fatal or permanate...my only problem was that no one could tell me why it happened or if it was normal if it happened again. So, I was worried that there was some underlying cause that no one saw. This got me really scared, and I had to go to the doctor again for some reassurance. My doctor put me on some meds for anxiety. Yeah, I know. They helped slightly, but I was still nervous and anxious and scared and stuff, so he tried some other meds. They worked. So, for the time being, I'm on happy pills. I'm not really ashamed about it or anything...I figure I don't have any reason to be ashamed. Life got too complicated and hectic and I got really badly scared about something, and the medicine is going to calm me and help me look at things from a more balanced perspective. When I talked to my doctor the second time, we talked and he and I both think that there were some old issues I had from stuff in the past that I hadn't dealt with that caused me to have so much anxiety when this situation with my body occured. So, it's been a long time coming, really. The last few years have been really hard for me...I've had some stuff happen that really scared me and caused me anxiety at the time, and most of the time I got over things...but a few things have really stayed with me...and I knew it...I just didn't want to have to bother anyone to get over it because I knew I needed to just deal and move on. Now, I'm taking care of things and taking care of myself. The medicine is working well...I still have moments of anxiety and being scared and stuff, but that's normal. I feel a lot better than I did a couple of weeks ago...We are in contact with my doctor, and that is a relief to me. Things are slowly getting back to normal...and I know it will take a while for things to get back to normal...and I know that they may seem normal and get abnormal again...and yeah, that does make me a little anxious, but I know that I will feel better...that each day I feel better...that people care about me and are going to take care of me and help me and that I'm not alone now or ever. That's the most comforting part...knowing someone will be there for you.
So, that's what has been going on with me lately, but I honestly am doing so much better and feeling so much better. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and some are good and some are bad and some are both...but in the end, I will survive.
PS I just want everyone who reads this and may or may not be concerned to know, I was not and have never been suicidal, so don't take it to mean that. I value my life way too much to ever try to cause harm to myself. Also, no, I am not pregnant and I wasn't ever pregnant. So, if that's what you were thinking was wrong, nope. In time I may tell you, but for now this is all you get. Take care of yourself...I'll be back soon <3
